| Well now. |
[20 Nov 2003|11:05pm] |
I've got a new livejournal. If you want it, then email me at starstaiker@aol.com. And yeah. That's about it! So email me, fuckers.
- Jenny
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| OH MY FUCKING GOD! |
[25 Oct 2003|09:07pm] |
Yeah. So. Anyone want my autograph?
CAUSE I'M ON THE FUCKING NEWS! Getting arrested! Yes, that's right. ALL OF ME! Not just a side profile, but ALL OF IT! FUCK!
I really hope my God parents didn't see that...
How embarassing!
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| Code Name: Jailbird |
[25 Oct 2003|08:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 exhausted |
] |
Yes. That's right folks. Yours truely was arrested early this morning around one thirty. Taken to Pima Community Jail and was an inmate there until five thirty this afternoon.
It went like this. Yesturday was our big test for the kitchen, to see if we were going to either get raises, or have to train still. I did damn well, and only missed one of the five tests. So I make seven dollars now, and will be making seven twenty five soon enough. Anyways... Onwards.
Hector invited me to go out with him. Unfortainitely, he was going to Tens and El Charro, where you have to be twenty one obviously. Well, he said it wouldn't be a problem. So I was all excited because I've always just wanted to see what Tens was like. And did I mention how awesome Hector is? Yeah, won't get into that... But a really great guy. So we go to Tens, Athena came with us. We met up with some of Hector's friends there. Had some drinks. Some shots. Some beers. Whatever. Wasn't too drunk though, even though I probably should have been.
We left to go to El Charro, where he got me into there too. Had one drink, before BAM! Suddenly there are cops outside the entrance way and the back door, carding people who are leaving. Busted.
So I try and lie. Say I'm from California. Say I'm twenty one. Say I have no ID whatsoever. Well, busted anyways. They found my drivers liceanse, and booked me as a minor under consumption. So there you have it. Me, the infamous junglist Jenny, became a prime Jailbird. Handcuffed and all. And let me just say, that it was the worst experience ever. I hope I never, EVER have to spend another minute near that place. It was disgusting. Gross. Fucking cramped and small. I almost went insane, I swear. I was having anxiety attacks because I had no idea when I was going to get out. I made a few phone calls, but that did no good. Finally around three I had my video court, and then about another hour and a half after that, I got to change and leave. My mom picked me up, and she wasn't mad at all. She actually found it kind of funny. Heh. But yeah. So that was my night. Horrible. Absolutely horrible.
So I will be going to court on the 3rd. And considering it's my first offense, and it's only a misdemeanor, I should be getting off with paying a hundred and twenty five dollars, and going to a seven hour alcohol awareness class. Though, what pisses me off, is the fact that they put minor in possession on my charges. Which is fucking wrong, because I had nothing on me. And if they need a witness to that, then fuck, no problem. I can bring Hector or Athena with me, to just tell them that no, I had no drink in my hand at all at the time they cops pulled me aside. So yeah.
Other then that... everything is peachy? I guess. Heh. Not really, but fuck it. I called Leah and told her sorry for not being able to make it into work. But she wasn't upset, she was just worried and concerned about me. Thank god. I felt really fucking bad though. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it now. Tommorrow I'm gonna go in at three, so yeah.
So my new nicname now? Jailbird. Dannibal is responsible for that, for sure. I kind of like it. It's cute, in a way. And fits the current situation. Hehe.
Thank God I am home now. Nothing beats curling up on the couch, comfortable and clean. Ice cream, chips and soda. And movies. Mmm, God bless freedom.
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| "..keep on giving it to her.." |
[22 Oct 2003|03:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
So, it's been a while since I posted in this damn thing. I guess I've just been really fucking busy lately.
Lots of stupid family shit is going on. I'm not going to get into it because it's none of your business. Hehe. But it's just lame. Ah well. Things will look up from that soon.
I started my new job. It rocks. I really like all the people there. Everyone is uber cool. Well, most of everyone. There are a few people I could do with out.
This girl Stephanie is going to be a server, and she has a livejournal! How fucking awesome is that shit!? Hehe. She's super dope, too. I love her hair! And she rocks a style that I love. Kind of new-age vintage in a way. She's really nice too. I'm sure she will rock out by being a server. She's so cute! How could you not give her a big tip!?
Some of the stuff is hard though. I have a test on Friday that I have to get a ninety percent on to get up to seven twenty five an hour. But I should do ok on that. Chris, one of the trainers, is pretty much going to give us the answers. And it's so great working for Leah and Kristen, because I'm not afraid to ask them questions. It's nice already being comfortable around your boss, cause she is like your best friend. Hehe.
And that's about it. OH! And if any of you can make it to The Rock on November 7th, then fucking go and vote for Sin Machine. Those are my boys! I am going to be doing their makeup and what not. Dan is going totally glamour and so that should be fun to do. Lauren is going to dance for them, too. Which rocks. It should be good times, yo'. SO GO! And vote for them or else feel the wrath of Jenny.
And that's it, folks. I'll try and get myself to post more. <3
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| "..and he called me beautiful when the sun went down.." |
[09 Oct 2003|08:59pm] |
you need to shed that skin of distrust, dissapointed boy.
replace that grin, catty man, with a soursweet pucker.
because you tasted life, and it wasn't so sugar coated.
i warned you, unknowing child, that the world wasn't spiced.
but i'm here. hanging my head for you. screaming to the moon, for who?
for you.
born just to live as a slave. underneath your fingers and between your dreams.
so here i am, for who?
for you.
the way your eyes cross, you look confused, kid.
so untangle that shit from your head. start seeing for what these social-zombies really are.
careful, though. they have a taste for cowards blood.
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| "..i slaughtered myself today, with nicotine and whiskey.." |
[05 Oct 2003|02:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
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sleepy |
] |
I havn't updated in a while. Probably because there isn't much going on to talk about.
Things are going peachy keen, I suppose. Friday will be my last day at Gavi's, and then I start training at The Melting Pot. Should be interesting. I'm going to miss a lot of people from Gavi's though. I realized it's one of the easiest jobs in the world. I just need hours, and some recognition of being a good worker. I don't really get that there, at all. And when I do, it's fleeting. I'll miss being behind the bar, with Jake, Lucio, and Zach. Just being stupid. I'll definitely miss Kyle, for his amusing antics of being pissed off. William of course will be missed, he being the most bitter man I've ever met in my whole entire life. Scuba Steve, Caroline, and Kelly will be greatly missed, for sure. I've bonded with this people. Haley, Lucas, Jennifer, Keegan, Danielle. Fuck. Makes me a little depressed to know I won't see them on a daily basis anymore. But I'll still hang out there, say hi, and call everyone. No bonds will be lost, hopefully.
I'm a little scared of starting at the Melting Pot. Only because it's going to be a whole lot of work. I should get used to it pretty quick though. Hopefully.
And yeah. That's about it. I am going to go pass out now, as my feet hurt so bad from standing for ten hours straight.
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| "..just follow your eyes.." |
[27 Sep 2003|02:41am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
] |
Ever feel so fucking stressed out, that you become delirious from it? You just start to realize that things are shitty, and they arn't going to change for a while? So instead of dipping your fingers into depression, you just laugh and decide to say those magical words of: Fuck it. Yeah, I'm there. Right now. Stuck in a mess of just bullshit.
I guess it's just money that is strangling me into being so anxious and fidgety. I don't know if this next pay check is going to beable to cover all my bills, like rent and utilities and blah blah blah. So, yeah. I kind of did it to myself, so I can't really complain about it that much. It just sucks. And I can't really ask the parentals for money, because that is just to hard. I am though, going to poke and prod at my dad to send me some cash flow. Very subtle like though.
I got Matt sick. Poor thing. My fault on that too. I'm still hacking up a lung though. Feeling a little better, but still pretty out of it at the same time.
Jesus fucking Christ. I always just ramble about the same things in my journal. How boring. I apologize to anyone who actually reads this nonsense.
I spent the night at Leah and Charlies last night. I love going over there. I adore both of them so fucking much. We had a little discussion about The Melting Pot. I will be making six bucks an hour, but that's up until I can cross train with everything and be up to seven twenty five. I know, not that great of a pay. But I can always work up to something like a BOH (back of the house) trainer. Which pays something a long nine dollars an hour. Plus, it should just be fun. And again, I will be gauranteed fourty hours a week. Two days off a week, in a row. I might be closing though, which kind of blows. I won't get out of there some nights until like one thirty or two, depending on if we have people walk in at eleven. Hopefully that won't happen often.
Oh. And I really, really want to have a threesome with Leah and Charlie. I don't know why, I just do. Well, I think it ties into the fact that Leah is really the only girl I could ever see myself with now. Sexually that is. I mean, we are already emotionally attached, just from being best friends. Call me weird, or just a pervert, but I just want to jump on her. Heh. Maybe it's because I am the only friend of hers, out of all our other friends, that hasn't kissed her. Maybe it's just curiousity? Maybe it's so I can show that I am better than Bree? I don't know. I am just weird now.
What else, what else... Anything? Nope. That's about it.
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| "..the ghosts were never there.." |
[25 Sep 2003|02:16am] |
Earthdance was such a teaser.
I'm hooked again on parties. I want to go. I want to dance. I want to see all the familiar faces. I want to have fun. I want to be reckless, wild, and induced with nothing more than music.
Dammit.
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| "..you are my only girl, but you're not my owner.." |
[23 Sep 2003|12:51pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Hot Hot Heat - Inventing Words |
] |
Well. It's been a few days since I've posted anything to give you voyeurs an insight on what's been going on. Let's start off with how Earthdance went, shall we?
Lizzy didn't end up going with me, which I am kind of glad about. Not because I didn't want her there. Mostly because I would have felt obligated to take care of her, and normally I wouldn't have a problem with that. But it's been so long since I've gone to a part (pre-party excluded) that I just wanted to go and have a good time. And indeed, that's exactly what I did. I went and helped set up, which was fun. Just getting to see everyone before the party, already getting a vibe from everyone. Always fun. Went home and showered, and met up with Matt at his house to get a ride with him. We both weren't going to be leaving till late anyways, so it was fine. Get there, and yeah. Shit hits the fan, considering the sound isn't fucking set up for anything. Weird, huh? Well, I guess the sound guys were like three hours late, and blah blah blah. I don't know if they got paid or not, but shit, I wouldn't have paid them. I think it was around eleven o'clock when the third stage got sound. Or something like that.
I ran around the whole night. Running errands for everyone. Helping with the water booth. Dancing. Jumping around. Saying hi to people. All in all, I had a fucking blast. I think it turned out gteat. I mean, sure. There were fucked up kids there. A lot of people weren't dancing. The scene has fallen, died, blah blah blah. But who cares? I know what the scene was like when it was at it's prime, and now I am here at the downfall. The whole point of it is this: I'm still here. I'm still around. I'm not just going to give up on the party scene, or anyone else for that matter. Call me too optimistic, but what ever. Regaurdless, as long as I have a good time, that's all that matters, right? Right. And plus, if you can't deal with the drugs, with the idiocy, and the lack of respect, then you shouldn't be there in the first place. You should know what to expect by now. You should understand that things arn't the same, and they might never go back to being the way we all used to like them. But it's for the love of the music, of friendly faces, of dancing your ass off and just being somewhere where nothing really applies to you. You are just there, to have a good time, and appreciate the night for what it's worth. Ok, that's my rant about that.
So anyways. Charles Feelgood rocked. J-Splat ended up playing some damn good old school speed garage, which I appreciated from him. I think he was flirting with me, but then again, I'm not sure. I wasn't paying attention. Jesse Gonzalez was on too, and he rocked the decks like whoa. Omari did a really fucking good job too! I saw a bit of Eric's set, but not a lot. I just stayed long enough to make sure he handed over one of his cd's, which is really good. At the end, we were all pretty fucking tired. But everyone still seemed in pretty good spirits. Helped clean up a little, rolled up the carpets, and then George told us we could skidaddle. And thus, we did. Proceeded to get McDonalds for breakfast, and then take a shower, and pass the fuck out. Slept till about four thirty in the afternoon. Which was justified considering we didn't go to bed until perhaps eight thirty?
Things with Matt and I are fine. Ups and downs, of course. Who knows though. I've just decided not to think about it anymore. And you know, maybe I don't want a relationship either. I mean, it would be nice. But then I wouldn't beable to flirt and just be carefree, with out feeling some strings pulling at me. So yeah.
Ok, shit. I wanted to type a lot more, but I am so out of it. I need to take a nap. Cabin Fever starts at seven, and Matt and I are gonna go. So yeah. Let's hope this cold goes away too. It's making me feel like fucking shit. Blah.
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| "..overcome and completely isolated.." |
[18 Sep 2003|11:28am] |
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mood |
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 curious |
] |
So.
This "anonymous poster" person, has left his/her opinion on me that didn't strike a nerve, rather, rang true.
I'm just a little curious on who they are, and how they have come to this conclusion about me that I fancy as being real.
I am attention starved. I am one of those pathetic girls that never really had a father. Oh, he was there, don't get me wrong. But he was never really there. I don't have good memories with daddy dearest. He never really makes it a point to tell me he misses me, or even that he loves me. Growing up with a father like him wasn't the easiest thing. Especially when he turned his back on mommy and me, to hump around with a grade-a tramp. It wasn't easy hearing him telling me he cheated on my mum. And for a whole year, there were no words between us.
It seems it would be a mixture of his fault and mine, to why I am like this now. To why I try and grab to what ever male figure steps into my life and cling to them. To feel some sort of masculine comfort around me.
And you know what's really sad?
I don't think it will ever really change.
Though the tattoo's and piercings, I must defend. I got them for me, not for anyone else. Not for the mocking impression of being a peacock on stage, to flaunt inky "feathers". I got everything for me, and me only. For my own purpose. Anyone who wants to think of that differently, be my guess. I'm not here to twist and turn your opinions about me into the direction I want them to go.
Heh. How amusing. For me to sit and decide and let you all know (which most of you already did) that I am a needy little brat. Bottled up too much for too long, and it's so rusted that it will never come out. Emotions? I got plenty. Want some?
On another note:
I'm going to the mum's for lunch. And to do the massive amount of laundry. I hung out with Nick last night. What a fucking doll. I adore him. Funny, cute as ever, and he let me Nair his nipple hair off. Yup. He's the most attractive emo-boy I've ever seen.
And that's the end of that.
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| Dear Anonymous Poster |
[17 Sep 2003|10:59pm] |
Alright. Do tell about this supposive insecurity you state about me. I'm quite interested. And no, I'm not afraid of getting hurt. But if you make me cry, I'll hunt you down.
And also. Do please, leave your name. This way I know exactly who is stating their opinion about me. Thanks.
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| "..count the bodies like sheep.." |
[15 Sep 2003|04:18pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
] |
Sum up your opinion or impression of me in one word, leave it as a comment in this posting, and then post this sentence in your own journal.
Also! I made it so anonymous posters can once more, post in my journal. So, feel free.
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| "..say hello to everything you've left behind.." |
[15 Sep 2003|02:00am] |
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mood |
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 angry |
] |
Alright. My post before this was just some poetic justice, a needed rant of metaphores. Ignore it, if you want. But it explains a lot, if you read between the lines.
Anyways. It's pretty much about just how fucking stressed out I am. I am fucking fiending to be redeemed from this bullshit.
I have been doing a lot of thinking. Especially today. I went and took Matt lunch today. I was the one who called him. To see how he was doing. To ask if he wanted something to eat while he was at work. To get my lazy ass up, and make him something, and take it to him. Did he appreciated it? If he did, he didn't really express it. Randell showed up. And suddenly it was almost awkward for us three to be standing there. As if Matt was afraid to touch me, to look at me, because she was there. Because she might see. Maybe it was just me, being paranoid, but that's what it felt like. I didn't even get a fucking kiss on the cheek when I left.
So that stirred up a lot of things. Things that I might not have been wanting my mind to spout out. I went to work, drained from these thoughts. I talked to a few people about it, mostly Jennifer and my mom. I explained to them that I don't feel appreciated by him. It just seems like I am the one who has to take the steps to calling him, to asking if it's ok if I spend the night. He never asks me. He never points out that he misses me, or has missed me. Or that he loves me. I'm the one who says that bullshit first. I say bullshit, because when he says it, it's like saying it to a friend. When I fucking say it, it's like saying it to the one person I'm offering my heart out too.
So, I told myself I wasn't going to spend the night tonight. And obviously, I didn't. I went over there to give him his toothpaste back. And when I had called him from work, actually, any time I call him, he's just not enthused to hear from me, at all. It's almost like it's routine for him to just say hi, and that's it. Now, I've always known Matt is a sarcastic jack ass. But give me a fucking break. Sometimes I don't want to hear it. Sometimes I don't want some austere remark, or some cocky retort. I just want him to be sincere. Do I get that? No.
I go over there, and he was watching 8 Mile. I hadn't seen that movie before, so I sat down and watched it. He let his hands touch my back, and my shoulders. And he obviously could tell something was wrong. Probably because I wasn't talking very much. The movie ended, and I got up. He looked at me funny, and then told me to come here. So, I did so. We kissed, a few times. Then, I had to ask him. I had to, or else it was going to eat away inside me. I already knew the outcome of it. I already knew he was going to look at me stupidly, and be a smart ass with what he would answer me with. But I asked anyways.
I simply asked if he appreciated me.
And of course, what did I get? Bingo! The smart ass retort of "What kind of stupid question is that?" and the look that made me feel two inches tall. I asked if it really was a stupid question for me to ask, because honestly, he doesn't say anything that makes me think that. It ended up in me leaving. Bitter and cursing under my breath.
All I fucking wanted, as a simple yes. A simple fucking yes would have sufficed enough to make me stop acting like such an emotional retard. Which, I'm sure he fucking thinks of me now. Which I am almost positive will end in niether of us talking to each other, or some bullshit. I'm not going to call him, because that just makes me look like the puppy bitch that will come back. No fucking way. I refuse to do it. If he wants to talk, or say hi, then by all means, he knows where I am. Either at home, or at work. He can call.
Is this wrong of me? Wrong of me to feel this way? Should I be kicking myself in the ass? I mean, come on. I know we're not dating, or anything, because he doesn't want to. That doesn't mean that my feelings for him can't get fucking hurt. I'm in love with this asshole, and I don't think he is realizing this. I think he might think it's a game. A ploy. But what ever. I'm sick of this feeling.
I'm being stupid, and I know it. Maybe it was wrong of me to jump the gun and think everything was ok.
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| "..drag another dragon down the hole.." |
[15 Sep 2003|01:31am] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
] |
I've come to the conclusion that I am desperate. Desperate for affection I am not receiving. Desperate to die with a smile on this black-blue face. Crazy-cool and too superficial with emotions to have noticed it long ago. I've opened these folded shut eyes, slit open the paper of my lids, and seen what reality is.
It's painful. It's a harmful drug we all are addicted to. Born from a womb already injecting the stickysweet essence of life into our malnutritianed minds. The reverie of too much chaos, and not enough euphoria. Craving things we can't taste because our tongues are so adapt to sour news of death and heart break.
I'm too lovesick. I'm drunk on something artificial. What to say about what we all feel, and have felt since the doctor took the scalpel and scraped away the realism of what we were going to become. Broken and paralyzed, my senses are. All but this little crease between rib cage. This beating muscle that is shredded, raped of innocence. It's felt too much, and taken on not enough. It's still thriving, still pulsing. How do I shut it off? Shut it up so it stops mending, only to be devoured again?
I've fallen to my knees, to pray to this halo that is on fire. It's burning down, like a bridge set on automatic arson. The heavens arn't even listening to me anymore. They've condemned me to this solitude of hostile conspiracies. How can God or anyone else, answer me when I can't see them? When all this life is blinding me, making my irratic judgements obscure? I want to make ammends with them all, but my tongue is choking me and words just sound like backward echoes.
Excuse me while I throw a premature tantrum, and bear skinned alive fists and a mouthfull of teeth. Avoid my laughter, it's only a cover up to the warning signs behind my teeth. Neon bright but shrouded in the nightlife I am swimming in. Turn your bowtie back to me, so I can cry a river for some taxicab messiah to part. Please, oh please, let me walk in the steps of the anti-Ghandi and cause a holocaust Hitler would be jealous of. All because this grey-white smoke from my cigarette is speaking to me, telling me to rip from the dried placenta of an already lived afterlife.
This isn't poetic justice. This is a mind clicked to overdrive. A locked and loaded weapon, ready to throw a kaboom theory out in the open. To let all the gutterborns, the junkies, the smiling, the pitiful, the saviors, the sinners, the backbones, the mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, know...
That this is all just me, being a grounded angel in a world where pain is pleasure, and pleasure is pain.
Did you ever wonder what being a god was like?
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| "..go back to sleep child, i'll keep the boogie man from coming.." |
[14 Sep 2003|03:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
So my tears have stopped. I've stopped my whole grieving experience. It didn't last long, but I figured nothing could be done. I was helpless in the situation, and yet I still held my virtues by thinking optimistic about it. Leah is gone, and there is nothing anyone can do. All we can do for her, is keep her memory alive within us.
But on a different note, a lighter one. Last night was the preparty to EarthDance. I had a fucking blast. I think I needed that, I needed to see old faces. Smiling faces. People that know me, even if they don't think they do. They know everything about me. They know what I like, that I love to dance. That I am a sarcastic bitch that anyone can get a long with. And of course, I got to spend some time with Matt. But it's always different when we're at places like last night. Parties. Things are so much nicer. We're around people we know, we're both in a good mood. Oh my god. And do you know how sexy he looks when he is spinning? I just want to rape him, but that would be impossible considering it's so hard to get him to actually respond to any advances I make towards him! But anyways, that's not the point. I took a bunch of pictures on his digital camera, of him and other people. I will hopefully get them as soon as he uploads them into his computer. I'll post them on here, so I can show off Matt, and some other close friends. And I danced. A lot. Until I had a few beers and just couldn't dance anymore. But wow. Just wow. I seriously had such a great time. And it only hyped up what is coming at EarthDance.
Now. Things with Matt are fine, well, as fine as they will be. I guess I am just falling in love with him more every day, and it irritates me to know that he isn't in love with me. I know he cares about me, a whole lot. Don't get me wrong. But it's just a little misleading when I have no idea what is going to happen with us. I am afraid that just one day, he's up and going to stop liking me. Is that ridiculous of me to think? I am just kicking myself in the ass, for what happened so long ago between us. I regret doing what I did, but at the same time, I don't think it would have worked out between us back then. I was too young, and he was too, at the time. We've both grown up so much. But, oh well. We'll see how things go. I just... I can't hold back if something else comes my way, you know? I am not just going to pass up an opportunity with someone else, to wait around for him. I know it sounds harsh, but it's true. Like I said, who knows when he might get sick of me, and just toss me to the side. Not like I wouldn't deserve it. I kind of did the same to him, but I regret all of it now. I really, really fucking do. Geesh. Guys are so ... confusing. I guess one thing that irritates me about him, though, is that we can't ever have like.. a reasonable conversation. I will start one out, but it just ends up in him being a total sarcastic brat. Hrm, maybe I can help change that.
That's really all I have to say. I have to work at six, and I think I am going to stop by Matt's house to drop something off. Hopefully I won't be there too late. I am sure I'll end up staying the night at Matt house, but you never know with us.
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| Rest In Peace |
[12 Sep 2003|08:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
Tonight I found out that a good friend of mine through eighth grade, and some of highschool, was in a horrible car accident. They tried brain surgery, and it only caused a coma which she would have gone into nonetheless. Her parents called everyone they knew were her friends, and let them know. They wanted people to drive up to Phoenix to the hospital, to offer their goodbyes.I found out at work, and began to freak out. I got sick. I cried profusely. And still am.
I won't get to say my goodbye to Leah Martin. I won't ever beable to see her beutiful smile again. And worst of all, I am sitting here, staring at the clock, just waiting for them to pull her life support plug.
T Minus eleven minutes....
Make these tears stop, and make my head stop hurting.
Goodbye, Leah. You're laughter will always be on the lips of the wind.
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| "..you're living and dying, within every second breath.." |
[11 Sep 2003|02:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pleased |
] |
Last night, Matt and I went to the Delirium concert. Fuck. The three girls that were there, singing. I swear, they are the epitome of what a true siren is. A glass actually broke alone point, Timothy and I both saw it. You would have to be there, to see how the crowd was absolutely enamoured with these female muses. It was great. I had a wonderful time. I saw Charlie and Leah there, and Timothy was there with his sister Stephanie who I fucking adore. Matt of course was there, too. I had a great time just hanging out with familiar faces. I also saw George and Jessica, Joey and Maria, Josh and Saki. It was kind of odd seeing them all, only because I think it's been a few good months since I've seen any of them. But anyways. It was just fun. Traveled to Matt's afterwards, and watched a few episodes of Oz. I am absolutely obsessed with that show. It's great, no wait. Beyond great!
I ramble a lot about stupid shit. I'm surprised that any of you read this bunch of crap.
And you know, I guess I have a lot of serious issues I could rant about. But then there is this little problem I have, called being lazy, and I don't feel like typing all of it out.
So... yeah. One of these days though, I promise, I will make a worth while entry.
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| BWAHAHA! |
[10 Sep 2003|05:07pm] |
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MWAHAHAHAHA! I DID IT! I GOT THE PICTURES TO WORK! BOOYAH BABY!
So now. You all must go back and look at them, so you can see my tattoo! DO IT NOW!
Thanks.
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| "..flying high on lithium and cigarettes.." |
[10 Sep 2003|03:09am] |
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Hot Hot Heat - Talk to me, Dance with me |
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It's been a while since I've updated, so let's see if I can compact it into a shortened post, rather than something lengthy. Though, I can't gaurantee anything.
First off, I got the job at The Melting Pot. Hooray for me, huh? I am so excited. I am not going to be serving though. Instead, I will be in the back of the house. I am going to be a prep chef. It will be nice to get away from the chaos serving can cause, but if I ever want to cross train and become a server, I am more than welcome too. The only thing I am a little weary about, is the pay. It's not going to be as much as I am making now, but I can work up to getting something around nine to ten dollars an hour. So, let's hope that can happens quick, huh? It should. I am the only person in the back of the house that doesn't need a set schedule. I am open for anything. I was talking to Leah about it, and she sounded just as happy as I did. She will be my boss, so I will be taking orders from her! How grand is that? One of my best friends bossing me around? That's just hot, because well, Leah is hot. So yeah. Good news about that is too, that I can get the fuck out of Gavi's and start something new.
Speaking of Gavi's, I seriously can't stand it there anymore. I am so sick of the favortism that goes on. Jennifer Dubbs and me, are the only two people that arn't allowed to go smoke a cigarette every hour. Everyone else? Oh well, sure! They just run out when ever they fucking want. God damn clique's, I swear. I hope that place burns when I fucking leave. I seriously think Steve is going to be screwed with me not being there, either. Fuck it though. Not my problem anymore!
Alright, now. The Matt situation. Lots to say about that. Let's just say my karma has officially bitten me in the ass. It seems that Matt and I are not dating. Actually, we're not anything according to him. And he loves me, but isn't in love with me. What we have is great, nonetheless. The fun we have rocks, and everything in between is great. But I can't help but feel a bit... upset about that whole thing. I don't need to be dating and what not, but he isn't in love with me? Well, that just sucks. He says he just doesn't want to get hurt again. And that he doesn't want any sort of commitment. I can deal with that, though. I'm not going to let that change any way I act towards him. No way. I, on the other hand, am in love with him. Madly so. But, we'll see what happens. Just because of this, doesn't mean I am going to pass anything else up. If I want to date someone, I damn well will do so. Mostly because like he stated, we arn't anything. We're just there, having a good time. No strings attached. So he can't get mad, right? Right. Goes the same with me, though too. I'm not going to waste all my time and effort trying to get him to be with me. If another guy comes around, trying to swoon me into knocking boots or just hanging out, then I will definitely press for it. We went bowling tonight, actually. Jesse, Chris and Tony were there as well. I always have such a fucking awesome time with the guys. They are great. I've known them for what seems like ever now! Chris and Jesse are always making sexual comments towards me, when Matt is around. And Tony is just, well, Tony. And it's just... fun. Heh. So, we'll see how that goes. Tommorrow night we're going to see Delirium at Backstage. Timothy is going too, so I am way happy about going. We get to dance, and that's something I definitely need!
Hrm, what else! OH! I got my nipples pierced. Again. So, they are now pierced twice, each. Like little crosses. Heh. They are sore, but man, they feel good. Does that sound really sexual? Like I give a shit. They rock, and I like them. That's all that matters. And, I also got my tattoo finished. I mean, it's all colored in now. I am still going to have to get touch ups done, but the majority is done. So! I am happy about that. Here, I have pictures!
So yeah. It's a little hard to see the true coloring, but it gives you a jist, right? So, there are only a few more tattoo's that I want as well. Want to know what? Well duh. I've only talked about the Seven Sins in kanji script down my spine for like, two years now. They are going to be in poetic brush stroke design, with smoke around them. Also, two nautical stars (black and pink) on my hip bones with either the word "Starstalker" or "Birdborne" in between, on the lowest point of my abdomen. Or I want "Chimera" in between. Not sure yet. And yeah, that's all for now I suppose. Heh. I'm sure there will be more on the way.
Oh, and because I just want to, and can, here are some other pictures for you voyeurs to enjoy.
I'm a big dork, but the beanie rules you. You know it does.
I look dorky in glasses!
My precious bandana. I would like it even more if it didn't make me look like such a lesbian.
I can't remember if I posted this picture before.. but I really like this one. Heh.
And yeah. That's it. I really, really want a digital camera...
EDIT! I just realized how blurry my pictures are. They suck. I apologize.
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